i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
