Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
