If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
