You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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