I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
