I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
