Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
