if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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