I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
