On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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