I CAN MOONWALK!
thus making me awesome and them whores
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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