i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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