I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize