She's JV to your varsity
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
