Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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