Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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