Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
