first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
