Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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