non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
