Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
