you turned your livingroom into a bong?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
