dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
