I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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