you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
