All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
