I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
