Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
