thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
