I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
