the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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