Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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