just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My vagina is very pro this idea
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
