someone get that fucking seahorse.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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