When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize