My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
