perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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