im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
