1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
