I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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