i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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