i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
