the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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