Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what day is it and did you see me today?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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