My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
