I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
