Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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