I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
