I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
