I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
