my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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