i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
