I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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