i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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