Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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