So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
