She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
