Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
do herpes really smell.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
