Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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