They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
