So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
