I am puke
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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