just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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