Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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