I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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