i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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