Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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