Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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