similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
