they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
