I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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