I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
