I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
