i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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