How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
