you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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